The best items of the week:

To Tweet, or Not to Tweet – Watley Review

African Boy Continues To Receive Rotten Food From ‘Charity’ – The Bunyon

As Per Midnight Madness Tradition, Duke Freshman Sacrificed Center Court – The Onion

Overcrowding In Mob Burial Grounds A Big Concern – CAP

Area Man Has Far Greater Knowledge Of Marvel Universe Than Own Family Tree – The Onion

Global Warming Impacting Habitat of Gummi Bears – DotPenn

Sunken Oil Tanker Will Be Habitat For Marine Life, Shell Executives Say With Straight Face

U. S. House Rebukes John Boehner for “Totally Prehistoric” Ringtones – Wear Your Cape

People Are Always Coming To Me With My Problems