So, now you know.

The best items of the week:

U.S. Government suspends search for Bin Laden to focus on Carmen Sandiego – Daily Blank

Burger King, Dairy Queen Pay Royal Visit to Local Man’s Digestive System – Daily Fortnight

Kris Kross Reunites as Wendy’s Employees – Smooth Operator

Obese Pugilist Discriminated Against; Only Given 10 Seconds to Get Back Up – History Bluff

Vatican: New Shroud of Turin Best Yet – Glossy News

Increasingly Horrified Man Listens To Self Explain What He Does For A Living – The Onion

1999 Collaboration Between Carlos Santana, Rob Thomas Somehow Standing Test Of Time – The Onion

Congressman Boehner’s Terror Alert Skin Set Back To Orange – The Onion

Some Tea Baggers Caught Steeping, Not Protesting – Wear Your Cape

I always thought the violence added to “Shit Faced Mondays.”  Sort of like with hockey.

The best items of the week:

Paleontologist Unable to Figure Out Where Extra Bones Go – History Bluff

Honorable Freshman Saving Ass for Marriage – Glossy News

Man with No Pet Peeves Annoys the Hell out of Everyone – Wear Your Cape

Catholic Church finally forgives Lennon – Bite the News

If I’m So Crazy, Then Why Do People Keep Having Sex With Me? – The Onion

Fat People ‘Really Just Growing Sideways’ – Daily Fortnight

House Haunted By Tortured Souls Of Current Residents – The Onion

Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck – The Onion