The best items of the week:

Cheneys Slam Obama for Turkey Pardon, Urge Military Tribunal for Gobbler – Satirical Political Report

Pittsburgh School District Leads Nation In Ability To Spell ‘Roethlisberger’ – Onion

President Obama Advises Troops Not to Fill Up on Turkey – Underneath Politics

26-Year-Old To See Every Asshole He Ever Went To High School With On Night Before Thanksgiving – Onion

Americans Shocked To Remember That Gay Singer Adam Lambert Is Gay – Enduring Vision

Bengals’ Uniforms No Longer Look Stupid Now That Team Is Good – Onion