The best items of the week:

Oh, the Alcoholic Afternoons…. – Bite the News

Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation’s Growing Spider Menace – The Onion

Desperate Al Qaeda Now Recruiting Through Craigslist – Daily Fortnight

A-Rod Can’t Wait To Someday Tell Estranged Grandchildren About 2009 Postseason – The Onion

Conservatives ready to burn Palin’s book – Daily Blank

Protagonist Scrolls Intensely Through Microfilm – The Onion

My House is Occupied by the Most Delightful Demon – News Mutiny

Man Dies After Secret 4-Year Battle With Gorilla – The Onion

CC Sabathia tired of being copied on everyone’s emails – Derf

The Importance of Hitting the Right Button – Watley Review