Excerpted from the Denver Zephyr:
Area resident Montgomery Wormwicker II came clean to his old high school buddies last week.
“I finally came clean about my claim of losing my virginity at a Canadian summer camp between my freshman and sophomore year,” said Wormwicker, “It seemed like an amazingly believable story at the time and I thought it would really boost my image in my peers’ eyes.”
Asked for comment, Wormwickers childhood chums raised their eyebrows and expressed their disbelief. Specifically, their disbelief that Wormwicker had thought that they believed him.
“He was 110 lbs and had a terrible case of acne. Of course, we didn’t believe him,” said friend Piotr Ponkowski.
“It was common knowledge that he was a virgin on his wedding day.”