Excerpted from the Denver Zephyr:

Area resident Montgomery Wormwicker II came clean to his old high school buddies last week.

“I finally came clean about my claim of losing my virginity at a Canadian summer camp between my freshman and sophomore year,” said Wormwicker, “It seemed like an amazingly believable story at the time and I thought it would really boost my image in my peers’ eyes.”

Asked for comment, Wormwickers childhood chums raised their eyebrows and expressed their disbelief.  Specifically, their disbelief that Wormwicker had thought that they believed him.

“He was 110 lbs and had a terrible case of acne.  Of course, we didn’t believe him,” said friend Piotr Ponkowski.

“It was common knowledge that he was a virgin on his wedding day.”

Read more satirical news at Newsgrift.com

The best items of the week:

Oh, the Alcoholic Afternoons…. – Bite the News

Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation’s Growing Spider Menace – The Onion

Desperate Al Qaeda Now Recruiting Through Craigslist – Daily Fortnight

A-Rod Can’t Wait To Someday Tell Estranged Grandchildren About 2009 Postseason – The Onion

Conservatives ready to burn Palin’s book – Daily Blank

Protagonist Scrolls Intensely Through Microfilm – The Onion

My House is Occupied by the Most Delightful Demon – News Mutiny

Man Dies After Secret 4-Year Battle With Gorilla – The Onion

CC Sabathia tired of being copied on everyone’s emails – Derf

The Importance of Hitting the Right Button – Watley Review

More here.

The ’30s in Pennsylvania were a different era.  Don’t judge her.

This is my favorite pic of the famous aviator.

Just because.