“I’m 56 years old and I’m a virgin….(gasp)….technically.”

More Mitch Hedberg motivational posters.

More Demetri Martin Motivational Posters.

…and scene.

This week’s winner of the Spam Email Title of the Week was sent to us by Niesha Collini.

Neisha Collini: Man, I am totally out of spam email ideas.  I can’t, for the life of me, even conceive of writing another male enhancement scam email.

2nd Nigerian Scammer: Jeez, I know.  But there’s got to be some demographic we haven’t hit up yet.

“I’ve got it.  How about French National Team, Real Madrid, and Juventus soccer fans.”

“Brilliant, but what’s the angle?”

“The death of Zinedine Zidane!

“Brilliant!”

“Brilliant!”

Excerpted from the Indianapolis Herald Tribune:

The Indianapolis offensive line has had enough of quarterback Peyton Manning’s shouting and pointing at the line of scrimmage.

Ryan Diem, offensive tackle for the Colts, had this to say:

“If he would just call an audible, that would be fine.  But instead he’s just pointing out the obvious.”

“It’s, like, really, Peyton? You don’t think that we see that hulking linebacker behind the defensive tackle?”

“Really? You think we’re just going to let him waltz on through?”

“Really?”

“But, of course you can’t say anything or he’ll look hurt and give you the Peyton manning face.”

Read more satirical news at Newsgrift.com

“Mitch, throw the rock!”

Manning often gives these same facial expressions when he’s on the sideline after having thrown and interception.

Touche’.

The best items of the week:

Derek Jeter Honored For Having Fewer Hits Than Harold Baines (The Onion)

Facebook to Make Money Selling Your Data to Your Mom (TechChuff)

Congressman legalizes pot for himself (The Skunk)

Americans Observing 9/11 By Trying Not To Masturbate (The Onion)

Nerd Alarmed At His Growing Interest In Football (Enduring Vision)

Kid With Cancer Hopes To Realize Dream Of Meeting Competent Oncologist (The Onion)

Melting Ice Caps Expose Hundreds Of Secret Arctic Lairs (The Onion)

“It’s a movie for any kid that was ever told, ‘You’re not going to find a jetpack.’ ”

via Uniblog

via Uniblog & Random Pictures